Molekule is revolutionizing the clean air industry. As we fully transition into 2021, many companies are solidifying their “best of” and “top” lists. Molekule air purifiers are making the list across the board as top air […]
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“Living your purpose will make it possible to do all the things you need to do to reach the goals you need to reach in order to fulfill your dreams, which are as big as the world and as optimistic as your mind can imagine.” —Norma Kamali, author of I Am Invincible
Change is inevitable, in the world, our bodies and our lives. How we navigate life’s endless changes determines the quality of our lives, especially during our everydays and how we experience each 24-hours, but from the longview of life, it will determine the legacy we create, the connections and relationships we make and build and how or if we contribute positively to a better world tomorrow.
Fashion designer Norma Kamali‘s new book, part memoir, part lifestyle/self-esteem builder I Am Invincible is aptly described by Cynthia Rowley as “personal power with a side of popcorn”.
Upon the book’s arrival, I read it in one day. Highlighting constantly, stopping and rereading, taking closer notes so as not to forget and apply immediately her wisdom to my life, I couldn’t wait to share with podcast listeners and blog readers (where does the ‘side of popcorn come in you may be wondering? she shares a simple, yet delicious recipe for homemade popcorn – I tried it the next day – yep, loved it).
What good fortune we all have to live now with so much to learn, apply, explore and tickle our curiosity, and with such good fortune, we can easily become overwhelmed. However, Kamali reminds and models in her own life of more than 70 years that this good fortune need not betwixt us but rather spark excitement within us to figure out how to make it work for each and every one of us so we can live with purpose.
The book transpired out of a gift she gave to a friend who was celebrating her 50th birthday. She gave as a Moleskine journal filled with 50 Tips on Turning 50! and the reaction led to asking her to make her book available, and now we have quite the book of inspiration and lessons applied and learned.
As someone who chose herself when she founded her own business in her early 20s after ending a marriage and the business she and her then husband began together and continues to hold the reins and someone who found whom she describes as her soulmate at 65, Kamali is a living example of intentionally building one’s self-esteem, recognizing and celebrating your authentic self and living with purpose in your business and personal life.
Her book begins with the driving question: If you can control the quality of your life, why not do it? And while she definitely had me at Why Not . . . ? I couldn’t agree more that indeed we should invest and apply in all the areas we can to elevate the quality of our lives.
Today’s episode/post shares 33 of which there are many more lessons discovered as I read her book. I hope you enjoy.
~be sure to tune in and listen to the audio version of today’s episode for further discussion on each of the points shared below.
LIFE & MIND
1.Be brave
“Be willing to surrend who you are for what you can become. Change is very hard for many people, but change is inevitable in all of our lives. It is oftentimes what propels us forward. If you initiate change, you will have proactive management over it.”
The courage to be brave is not for the faint of heart. The moment of transition lasts more than a moment, and during this time of transition from where you were to where you are going with your choice is full of emotions challenging your decision, then buoying your excitement, then challenging your decision again. The only way to overcome the doubt is to continue to strive forward as such feelings are only the mind’s lizard brain wanting you to continue what it knows not necessarily because it is best for you.
~read this post – How to Be Brave: Follow Your ‘This’ to Live the Life You Have Dreamt About
2. Understand your hormonal levels
“Throughout puberty, pregnancy, post-pregnancy, perimenopause, and menopause, women ride a hormonal roller coaster. Diet and exercise are the first lines of defense for balancing hormones.”
On a practical level, since I mentioned emotions in #1, not only do we need to strengthen our emotional intelligence (EQ), but as women, we need to understand the hormonal changes each of us will go through at some time. Kamali recommends speaking to your wellness doctor or an expert in the medical field to best understand how to navigate and understand what your body is moving through.
3. Learn to love yourself first, so you can love others well
“Positive self-esteem based on how we feel about our mind, body and soul is needed for self-love. If we haven’t done work in the self-love area, there is a chance we are not as discriminating as we need to be, especially in relationships.”
Kamali’s own life exemplifies the need to walk away for our own well-being,”Walking away begins with a belief system you have in your head about your own value.” And it is in the self-love, we become clear about how to love others well and know what love actually looks like.
4. Professional teeth cleanings – multiple times a year
Back to the practical. Of course, brushing our teeth daily, multiple times a day is a must along with flossing, etc., but our smiles are powerful. They not only enhance our beauty, they boost our own confidence and endorphin levels when we smile, and a healthy smile can be maintained for an extraordinary long time if only we take preventative measures regularly throughout our entire lives. Two times a year tends to be the recommendation by dentists, but opt for more if you can and let your smile shine.
5. Embrace a meditation practice
A meditation practice need not be elaborate. It can be as simple and momentary as intentional time slipping away to the restroom while at work for 5 to 10 minutes to breathe deeply and settle ourselves, but yes (I know I have recommended this practice many times here on the blog), meditation is a worthwhile practice for so many lifelong health benefits – the mind most especially.
6. Be proactive to navigate well through fear/anxiety/worry
When it comes to eliminating or handling well unwanted worry, undesirable situations, Kamali advises developing routines to engage in everyday whenever worry, fear or anxiety arises. For example, she shares how meditation breaks when taken “temper anything stressful that might throw off [her] routine”.
7. Embrace regular, rigorous exercise to improve sleep
“In addition to helping naturally reduce stress and anxiety levels, regular exercise has been shown to boost the amount of time the body spends in deep sleep. This is the most physically rejuvenating phase, important for memory and cognitive function. When energy is restored, cells regenerate, and the immune system is strengthened.”
Upon reflection on any night in which I woke up prematurely and was not woken up, it followed a day I did not exercise. On days I do not exercise due to exhaustion – mental and emotional fatigue, I actually cause more stress because my sleep is not deep and sometimes interrupted of my own accord. All of these ahas I have seen and learned in my own life reiterate the vital importance of making time in my day for an exercise routine.
8. Make your bedroom a sacred space in your sanctuary
Currently, as many readers know, I am nearing the end of a much anticipated bedroom restyling and when it is complete I look forward to sharing with you my decisions for the space and how they help me create a sacred space. Each of us will make unique choices for the decor, the sheets, the ambiance which work best for us, but one thing Kamali reiterates is to leave the bedroom for sleeping, resting and connecting intimately with your partner only. In other words, leave the technology outside of the bedroom.
~10 Décor Tips for Creating a Private Sanctuary for Rest & Repose: TSLL’s Restyling Process (mid-way through) of the Primary Bedroom (for TOP Tier exclusively)
~Why Not . . . Create a Sanctuary for your Senses?
~14 Ways to Create a Happy Home, episode #278
FOOD
9. Make what you eat a lifestyle choice
“What you eat should be a lifestyle choice, not a fad diet, just like your workouts should be part of your daily routine, and not sporadic.”
TSLL lives by the principle of eating well and with the seasons. The food we eat need not be fancy and it absolutely doesn’t need to lack flavor as it is the flavor which will satiate us, telling our bodies we are full and satisfied. However, learning how to cook and eat this way is a skill we are taught as children or need to teach ourselves as adults. It is well worth it and once we understand the fundamentals, easy than might be expected.
“The simple secret I’ve learned is that if we eat quality food we will feel fulfilled and less controlled by our cravings. The amount of food we need is much less than you might imagine.”
~Enjoy Stepping into Your Kitchen with 6 Simple (and effortless) flavor tips
~explore TSLL’s cooking show – The Simply Luxurious Kitchen – to begin to enjoy stepping into your kitchen
10. No more sugar
“[Sugar] doesn’t do your complexion any favors, either. A doctor once described sugar’s oxidizing effect on cells to me as akin to ‘rust’. The rust starts to decay and age the cell. This accelerated cellular aging also harms the building blocks of collagen and elastin, causing skin to sag prematurely.”
The natural sugars found in fruits and some vegetables – keep on devouring them! However, by becoming aware of how sugar infilrates our diet without either realizing it or recognizing how much we are actually consuming, we do our health and our skin no favors.
11. Add ginger and/or lemon to your hot water to debloat
Water, water, water all the time, water. Adding fresh lemon juice also is a healthy choice, one many of us know about, but did you know about adding ginger? (I have a feeling many of you did and I am late to this health tip :), but I want to share with you all.) Ginger is a carminative along with many other herbs, and carminatives help to soothe the digestive tract and relieve gas, cramps and bloating.
12. Stock your épicerie with foods to care for your inner and outer health.
In episode #109 and in even more detail in chapter 12 of TSLL’s second book Living The Simply Luxurious Life, I share a list of 34 essential items to have in your Épicerie (grocery or pantry).
TSLL’s 2nd Book (learn more here)
STYLE
“Style survives fashion and personal style is developed with time.”
13. Courageously get to know yourself and your personal style will reveal itself
“The more you know who you are as you move through your life, the more you develop your personal style.”
As I step forward into a new chapter in my own life (more to come on that this summer), I am excited to further fine-tune my personal style. My goal is so that “Every piece of clothing”, when you have cultivated your own personal style, “will have a purpose in your wardrobe.” It’s possible and far easier when we know ourselves and how we enjoy living.
14. Understand the value of timeless style
“Women who understand the value of timeless style look amazing all of the time.”
~further exploration, listen to/read episode #103: Effortless Style: The Truth (explore further in TSLL’s 2nd Book, chapter 11)
15. Don’t follow trends
Style remains and fashion fades. While we can be inspired or piqued by a new fashion walking down the runway, responding rather than reacting applies just as much to our decisions for our wardrobe as it does to our interactions throughout life with others. Explore this post – Why Not . . . Create Your Own Style Commandments? to strengthen your approach to building your personal style.
16. Sustainable clothing shopping requires wise shopping choices
Investing in high quality clothing, paying high price for well-made items made of quality fabric is shopping sustainably. You shop less and you wear the items longer.
17. Your personal brand is introduced through your clothing
Branding is communicated by many other factors – our energy, posture, congeniality – but before we even speak, our clothing talks for us. Our sartorial choices are powerful, and as Kamali encourages, “let yours be uniquely you”.
18. Organize your closet to excite and focus your attention and save time
Kamali suggests organizing your closet to help you edit what you really want to wear and in fact organizes her personal and office closets by color, then by fabric, and then by category: dresses, jumpsuits, tops, jackets, skirts, pants.
19. Purchase multiple items you love and fit well
From undergarments to blazers, layering pieces, anything that is timeless, Kamali recommends investing in duplicates.
20. A strong confidence requires less artifice as protection
“But with her new book, she hopes to drive home the limits of fashion. ‘A dress can only do so much,’ she says. ‘When you feel good in your body and your mind, you’ll probably spend less on clothes.'”
Upon reading the profile of Kamali’s book in the WSJ, it was the above quote which resonated with me quite strongly. Yes, we need clothing, I am not one to advocate for sans-clothing living although I know some do and that is perfectly fine for them. Clothing is powerful, but when we rely on our clothing to do the work we need to be doing for ourselves for our mental well-being, we place too much importance on what we are wearing causing unnecessary stress on our mental health and strain on our budget.
I wholeheartedly, as readers and listeners know, advocate for investment pieces rather than cheap, clothing (referencing #16), and as we find peace within ourselves, strengthen ourselves with soft skills to improve how we engage with the world, our clothing, while it may introduce us before our words and actions begin, becomes secondary. Meaning, we can wear the same outfit more often without worry, we can stick to our personal uniform with confidence knowing it works with our lifestyle, and we can feel good in the clothing we have chosen further supporting us as we live how we had hoped in our dreams we could one day experience in real life: with great purpose, with deep joy and true contentment.
WORK
“Be independent; learn how to earn your own way. Then you can choose someone you love versus someone to take care of you.”
21. Explore your dreams for your life journey
“The wonderful thing about a dream is that it is limitless and it is free, and it can become the path to your purpose.”
Let persistent curiosity be your guide to where your purpose will be discovered. Kamali writes, “invest in your future now” even if you don’t know what it will lead to or the potential it will present down the road. Simply invest because you are genuinely curious and let tomorrow reveal what it will.
22. Empower other women, don’t compete
“Girls compete, women empower.”
Citing insecurity and a lack of self-esteem as the cause of fear which then leads to a scarcity mindset prompting competition, when we step forward instead as women with strong self-esteem paired with generosity, there is no need to compete because we are secure in our ability, excited to learn more and willing to help as we can those who look to us with inquiry.
23. Do something that scares you
In so doing, you keep your mind sharp. Stretch your mind, learn something new, attempt something you’ve never thought of yourself doing, yet when presented with the opportunity, your curiosity is piqued. Try it, give it a go and who knows what doors or windows or ahas will open.
24. Respect in your field will take time
“Respect is like money, you have to earn it.”
Your reason for pursuing your chosen career will determine your longevity. If your purpose comes from within, you will have the perseverance to ride the waves of questioning and/or doubt others in the field may have of your ideas. Stay true to your core purpose, be open to learning, flexible with the journey forward and how it unfolds, and in time, and in a moment most unexpected, you will realize you have garnered the respect of the field you so devoted yourself to.
25. Deal with your ‘failures’ well and your future will be bright
“Allow yourself a limited amount of time to recount the events that led to failure and to assess the damage. Take responsibility, look at the options for your next steps, get advice, then get on you feet and know you are not alone in failure.”
26. “Do it for joy and you can do it forever”
As shared in #24, what motivates you to pursue the career or caling you find yourself and have chosen to remain or step into anew from another career that didn’t quite fit will determine your longevity.
When I sit down to write, it fuels me. When I am tasked with other jobs I have done for pay, I am drained. Listen to this for your own energy sources to determine whether or not you are pursuing what is best for you.
BEAUTY
“Authenticity Enhanced is my beauty preference, since being me is definitely easier than trying to look like someone else.”
Enhance who you are and only use makeup (after caring for your skin well) for definition, “not to hide or disguise or hide the real you”.
27. Take care of your skin
The French have taught me many lessons, and this is one of them: tend to your skin and your makeup need only be minimal and secondary. I have written quite a bit on this topic, so I will list the post to explore for more detail (and list of recommended skincare brands and products) below:
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28. Take pride in your individuality
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“Being the author of your own life is far more interesting than imitating another’s life.”
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~7 Components for Building a Signature Style
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29. Exercise for beautiful skin
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“Sweat for glowing skin and to release toxins.”
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~Why Not . . . Treat Your Body Like a Temple?
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30. Leave the nails unpainted
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“Natural, unpainted manicures are healthy and maintain a timeless look.”
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I have been leaving my own fingernails unpainted for, well, for all of my adult life and prior to actually as well. However, I just recently began going sans color when I give myself a pedicure. I am loving it. Less to purchase, but it forces me to care well for my overall health and directly, my nails.
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While I sit down every two weeks for my at-home pedicure and tend to my fingernails every week, my choice surprised me as I wear sandals frequently in the summer, but it simply means, I will know my nails are healthy and that all is well.
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31. Drink green tea for your skin
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An antioxidant for the skin, Kamali shares she drinks one or two cups of green tea every day. With multiple benefits, green tea can calm redness and inflammation and protect the skin from free radical damage, and even the small amount of caffeine in green tea can help reduce puffiness around the eyes.
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There are so many wonderful green teas. Currently in my tea cupboard are Vert Provence from Mariage Fréres and a variety of green teas from Palais des Thés.
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Kamali’s green tea mask recipe (use in #32 for your at-home facial): (1) place a paper towel on a dinner plate; (2) pour a small amount of freshly brewed cool or room-temperature green tea on the paper towel; (3) drain any excess liquid; (4) lie back with your head on a towel and place the paper towel over your face; (5) relax and breathe in a meditative manner; (6) remove when you are ready and pat dry your face.
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32. Give yourself at-home facials in-between your seasonal or bi-monthly facials at the spa
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Begin with a cleansing your face well (I use Caudalie’s makeup removing facial cleanser which is 100% natural and vegan) Use a simple natural scrub using olive oil and sugar or sea salt, provide a steam treatment by sitting near a steamer (if you have one) or draping a towel over your head above a bowl of hot water – keep your face about 6-12 inches above the water). Then apply a facial masque best suited for your skin – I highly recommend any masques (or products) from Eminence Organic Skincare.
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MAKE IT HAPPEN
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33. Commit
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“The minute you reflect upon what your purpose is in this lifetime, you can commit to it, and the esaier it will be to maintain focus and stay on course.”
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Committing occurs when we take action beyond ourselves. The conversation steps outside of our minds, we hand in the job application, turn in the resignation letter, purchase the lease, apply for the loan, say yes, say no. Following any one of these decisions, we are in it. Sure we could back out, but we’ve already made one of the most difficult decisions and aren’t you curious to see how it can unfold if only you would put your whole heart into it?
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I just made a commitment last week which put a long-held dream into motion (I will share more concretely what it is later this summer), and yes, there is fear and trepidiation, but I do my best not to hang out with these emotions for too long because I have much more excitement I now have the opportunity to full embody and explore.
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Live your life on purpose for a purpose which will make you come to life and you will be, as Norma Kamali states from the beginning, invincible.
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~Read Norma Kamali’s highly inspiring and motivating book I Am Invincible
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Petit Plaisir
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—Italian Furlane Slippers from SantM.co
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~functional luxury footwear
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~handmade with velvet and slip-resistant rubber soles just as the gondolieri have worn on their Venetian boats. Sizing up is highly recommended, but I have did purchase my true size for one pair and while snug, it fit well and became even more perfect for my foot with a handful of wearings. I also have one that is one size larger which I wear everyday and love.
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For more sizes and color optinos (if you cannot find what you want on the home site, shop below)
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~Sponsor for today’s episode:
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~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #303
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~Subscribe to The Simple Sophisticate: iTunes | Stitcher | iHeartRadio | YouTube | Spotify
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https://www.engadget.com/volkswagens-id-4-ev-is-the-basic-people-mover-youve-been-waiting-for-163027836.html
https://www.engadget.com/lucid-air-ev-dolby-atmos-160018074.html
https://lifehacker.com/how-to-find-success-within-your-failures-1846415288
https://lifehacker.com/how-to-plan-your-vaxication-in-advance-1846474328
https://lifehacker.com/get-paid-2-000-to-sleep-in-different-places-including-1846316423
The best Priority Pass lounges at Brussels (BRU) and the two Diamond lounges in Piers A and B. We review the best airport lounge at Brussels BRU if you have a Priority Pass or relevant credit card. We have also reviewed the best hotels in Brussels with club lounges in case this is what you are looking for.
Wherever you decide stay, book via our luxury travel concierge. More…
Best Priority Pass Airport Lounges At Brussels (BRU) first appeared on Luxury Travel Diary.
Many people are considering what their next vacation will be and although mega-sized cruise ships like the Norwegian Breakaway, a 2013 ship, have been all the rage in recent years, it’s time to think small. Goodbye […]
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“People can change and be happy from this moment onward . . . the problem is not one of ability, but of courage.” —from the book The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga
“As long as one keeps searching, the answers come.” American folk singer Joan Baez certainly narrows down succinctly and accurately the practice of finding our way; however, along the way toward the revelation of the answers, we must be courageous enough to feel uncomfortable for portions of the journey as well as capable of homing in on the gems of wisdom and letting go of needing to be agile when trying something new in our lives.
The answers come to those who accept moments of clumsiness, frequent stumbles, nights and days of ambiquity and confusion because embracing anything new, trying anything new which speaks to what we are seeking and trying to understanding will require a beginner’s mind. Learning to walk required of each of us even though we don’t remember (but I truly think it would help if we could) numerous stumbles, falls forward and backward, sometimes temporarily causing pain to our face, knees and bottoms. But we don’t remember this because we needed to learn how to walk to participate fully in the life we had no clue awaited us.
Keep such an analogy in mind as you choose to continue to search for your answers. I too have to remind myself of the toddler parallel, and as I grow older and hopefully not only in age, but in wisdom, I become more and more grateful for each challenge. One of the most valuable development skills the book argues a parent can teach their child is how to overcome challenges, and that can only happen by letting them navigate through tasks which appear difficult to them, but easy for us – tying shoes for example. While appearing easy to the adult, the child must start with such challenges in order to be confident enough to navigate through more difficult challenges as their life unfolds.
Again another axiom comes to mind, “Life doesn’t get easier, we just become better equipped to handle well the challenges when presented.” However, the caveat is we must keep stepping through the challenges and not settling and unconsciously ignoring them. Life will always present dilemmas, quandaries and moments of difficulty; it is our choice to try to understand how to navigate through such situations. We are the director of our lives, and it is up to us to direct ourselves to the wisdom necessary, learn said wisdom and apply it.
Today, I am excited to share with you a handful of insights the book The Courage to Be Disliked taught me (there are soooooo many more – I highly recommend reading the book). On the surface, each is easy to comprehend, but the first time we put the practice into use, it may be difficult. With time and consistent effort however, the practice will become habituated and before we realize it, our lives, our everyday lives and the longview of our lives, will change for the better. Let’s take a look at the list.
1.Let go of competing with the world
Seeking to be superior in comparison with other people is a denial of our own journey and our true selves. As I will share in #5 below, we each have a unique something to contribute positively to the larger world, but when we consume ourselves with ‘proving’ ourselves in competition of any sort, we step away from self-growth and discovery of our unique talents and gifts. The only healthy form of competition “comes from one’s comparison with one’s ideal self”. Refrain from ‘gaining status or honor’, in other words, approval from the outside world. Instead, invest in being yourself. Invest in self-growth and discovery and let go of competition – anything preoccupied with winning and losing as “it will invitably get in the way”.
2. The meaning we give the events in our life journey determines its quality
“We determine our own lives according to the meaning we give to those past experiences. Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.”
The life truth I have seen again and again and more vividly as I grasped its true meaning is if we argue enough for our limitations, we get to keep them and they become our reality. Not because the limitations are truth, but because we made them true by accepting them.
3. Know your tasks and let others tend to theirs
Described as Separation of Tasks, knowing what is our individual responsibility and what are the responsibilities of others not only will alleviate and remove much stress and worry, it will also improve our interpersonal relationships. In The Courage to Be Disliked, they use the example of a romantic partnership:
“You believe in your partner; that is your task. But how that person acts with regard to your expectations and trust is other people’s tasks . . . intervening in other people’s tasks and taking on other people’s tasks turns one’s life into something heavy and full of hardship.”
In other words, knowing the boundaries of what is your task and what is the task of others will eliminate unnecessary worry and suffering, and it will also make life, as the book describes, far more simple and enjoyable to live.
4. Let go of the outcome
The Alderian psychology way is to not cure the symptoms regarding when one exhibits a lack of self-confidence – what happened in the past, not dwelling on what brought you to this point – but rather accept yourself as you are now and find the courage to step forward letting go of the outcome which is what causes the fear. We are fearful because we don’t know how it will all work out.
5. Find what you can positively contribute to the greater world and the need to be ‘accepted’ or ‘liked’ subsides
“If you change your lifestyle—the way of giving meaning to the world and yourself—then both your way of interacting with the world and your behavior will have to change as well. Do not forget this point: One will have to change. You, just as you are, have to choose your lifestyle. It might seem hard, but it is really quite simple.”
“A way of living in which one is constantly troubled by how one is seen by others is a self-centered lifestyle in which one’s sole concern is with the ‘I’.” The paradoxical truth reveals the freedom we can each attain when we let go of worrying about others liking us and instead focus on how to contribute well to the world. True contentment is found not by applause and approval from the outside world, but when we begin to look within and discover what we can uniquely give to the world which is a positive contribution. A positive contribution can be as simple as being a civil citizen of the world – obliging the city ordinance to shovel your sidewalk when it snows or stopping for pedestrians to cross the road. More grandly, it could be to dedicate your expertise and knowledge to develop a vaccine to curb the rise of a deadly virus.
All along the spectrum, each of us hold gifts in which we can contribute positively to the community outside of us which leads us away from being solely concerned with the “I”.
6. Reflect on your comments and/or judgments of others to discover your own truth
“An adult, who has chosen an unfree way to live [i.e. living for the approval of the outside world], on seeing a young person [or any person for that matter] living freely here and now in this moment, criticizes the young as being hedonistic. Of course, this is a life-lie that comes out so that the adult can accept his own unfree life. An adult who has chosen real freedom himself will not make such comments and will instead cheer on the will to be free.”
A quick refresher, if we are judging, we are taking on someone else’s task, so to begin with, let go of the judging; however, for the sake of this lesson which the book includes to further the need to separate tasks, I find it helpful to remind us when others’ words or opinions sting or wound us, what they are sharing has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with their life journey.
I recently had a neighbor make a snide and negative comment about my enthusiasm over the growth of my lettuce. Instinctively, it hurt my feelings, but then I realized, their inability to be able to celebrate with someone else in their joy reflected their own pain in their life at the moment in which life wasn’t going so well and feels out of their control to solve it.
When we tend to our tasks and let go of others, we set ourselves free in more ways than we can initially imagine possible. As we continue to put the practice of separation of tasks into our lives, we eliminate so many instances of pain and hurt we will never have to know, and that is part of living truly free.
7. Don’t be afraid of being disliked
“I am not telling you to go so far as to live in such a way that you will be disliked, and I am not saying engage in wrongdoing. Please do not misunderstand . . . One just separates tasks. There may be a person who does not think well of you, but that is not your task . . . one moves forward without fearing the possibility of being disliked . . . before being concerned with what others think of me, I want to follow through with my own being. That is to say, I want to live in freedom.”
While it takes more than a couple of chapters for the separation of tasks to be fully explained in terms the young man understand, ultimately, being able to separate properly leads to the ability to let go of what others think of us, leading us to be free to be our true selves.
Again, being free does not mean causing others pain or directly doing something to be disliked – such choices would not be tapping into what you can uniquely give to the world to contribute positively.
The hard work, the courageous work, is to fully explore your own inner being, become resistant to those who try to pull you back to following what the masses and crowds are doing and instead continue to unearth the gifts you have always had within you. The world needs you to find those gifts even though you and the world may not know exactly what you will find, but so long as it contributes positively to society, you must keep searching.
Some readers may challenge the definition of ‘positive’ as it is a subjective term, an abstract concept. True, however, I take the perspective that we desire to live in a world that honors humanity, celebrates kindness and wishes to uphold a civil society. When we acknowledge what is possible through understanding of the mind through the social sciences of sociology and psychology as well as neurology, we discover amazing truths about the motivations of human beings. All of this is to say, it takes time and intentional living to learn and apply, explore and observe, and then to be courageous in its application in our individual lives because our only task is to journey within and let others do the same. We must let go of the outside world and take responsibility for what our unique contribution can be in not only our larger life journey but in our everyday lives.
Reading and then understanding the contents of The Courage to Be Disliked requires close reading and rereading. Philosophy, literally composed of the words love “phil” and wisdom “soph” means to love wisdom, and a deep understanding of wisdom requires more than concrete surface simplicities. Any philosophical reading requires we go deeper, not only in the reading itself, but into our own mind. Growth is hard and it can be uncomfortable temporarily as we stretch ourselves, but the more we grow, the more we regularly stretch ourselves, our reach, in other words our understanding deepens as well and our ability to apply what we have learned to our lives more likely to stick and change our lives moving forward.
~Learn more about the book which inspired today’s episode – The Courage to be Disliked
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SIMILAR POST/EPISODES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
How Fear Can Be an Opportunity for Amazing Life Changes
~As shared during today’s episode:
Petit Plaisir
https://youtu.be/zeAWYwdUcNc
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~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #301
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